How to “Officially” Separate From Your Spouse

Defining Separation

In order to separate from your spouse, you must inform them of your intention to separate, remain separated thereafter, and begin holding yourself out in the community as separated. This includes removing your wedding ring and no longer referring to them as your spouse.

After this conversation has occurred, spouses should no longer engage in marital relations, travel together on family vacations, or sleep in the same bedroom. If you have children with your spouse, this can change the dynamic slightly as you want to make this transition as seamless as possible for them. However, these boundaries must remain in place or your spouse could make an argument that you reconciled, which could change the date of separation.

While you do not need to tell everyone you see about your separation, it is helpful to inform your close family members and friends about your separation. This can also be useful if your spouse claims that you separated on a different date than you are claiming you separated on.

Separation Under the Same Roof

The Northern Virginia area is expensive to live in and as such, it is not uncommon for spouses to remain separated under the same roof. If you and your spouse elect to do this, it is important to have clear boundaries while living under the same roof, like whether you will be allowed to access your spouse’s sleeping areas, if you are utilizing a custody schedule while separated under the same roof, and how expenses will be paid during this separation period.

“Filing” for Separation

There is no requirement in Virginia for an individual to file for separation in Virgina. If filing on no-fault grounds, complaints for divorce are filed after you have been separated for one year, unless you do not have children and have executed a comprehensive marital settlement agreement. However, there can be strategic reasons to file for divorce sooner than your one year of separation on fault-based grounds. Regardless, there is no official court filing to inform the Court that you have separated from your spouse.

Significance of Date of Separation

The reason the date of separation is important is because it is the date the Court values assets and debts for division. So long as this conversation is clear between both spouses, this reduces the risk that your spouse will contest the date of separation. However, if you and your spouse cannot agree, a judge must make that determination and then value your assets as of that date.